Hope and Agency: Doing What You Can When You Can

I read an article recently in which the author posits, “ . . . hope is a longing for a future condition over which you have no agency; it means you are essentially powerless.”

In some situations, sure. If you regard hope akin to the rock Charlie Brown received in his trick-or-treat bag and don’t use it; hope will be precisely that, not because of its nature but because of the eye of the beholder.

But there are far more situations in which hope inspires us to be proactive.

Hope exists not to change our situations but to change us. Without it, we die.

Hope helps us find meaning in chaos. It’s the force that gives us the will to seek out the intangibles of love, peace, and joy. It is the fire that stokes our will to live.

I reject the notion that I surrender my agency by saying “I hope” for a particular outcome.

When I think back to our ancestors who lived and died as enslaved people and the inhumane circumstances they lived through, I am overwhelmed by the horror, terror, and sheer brutality of what they endured. But they made the best of what they had, and while they may not have “thrived,” their fortitude did not let them give up. When facing the gaping, raging mouth of death day in and day out, their hope for a better day for their descendants motivated them to persevere for our indisputably better day. Note I said “better” and not “perfect.”

Hope exists to prop us up, that golden thread humanity clings to to guide us through this broken and beautiful world.

I reject the notion that I surrender my agency by saying “I hope” for a particular outcome. When I utter the words in the first person present tense, I may not know enough about the situation to achieve the desired result.

“I hope to write a book one day.”

“I hope things go better for me on Mastodon than they did on Twitter.”

“I hope I get cast in that show someday.”

Some say that hope ceases to be when we realize the degree of agency we actually have. More agency, less hope? Again, I disagree.

I have uttered aspirations for things countless times. And those statements of longing were like seeds planted in the ground.

Hope can also act as the carrot on the stick, the prize that motivates us to take action. In the case of my hopes to perform in a show . . .

In 1991, I saw the Radio City Christmas Spectacular for the first time and instantly thought, ”I can do that. I want to do that. I hope I can get to an audition someday.” The likelihood of it coming to fruition was slim to nil. At the time, I had recently landed a job as a graphic designer with Disney University (the internal communications department for Walt Disney World). I placed the Radio City hope on my Bucket List.

Some say that hope ceases to be when we realize the degree of agency we actually have. More agency, less hope? Again, I disagree.

Eight years after seeing the Christmas Spectacular, I was in the right place, at the right time, and learned about the auditions for the show. Yes, I exercised a large amount of agency in securing an audition, but large amounts of hope were still necessary to get there on time. That fabled L.A. traffic. It’s a thing. A very real thing.

Before the actual audition, even though I felt prepared, there was always the chance the audition would be wildly challenging, and I wouldn’t perform well. Both high hope, almost to the level of anxiety, and high agency were in effect.

And then there was the worst part of an audition: the waiting. That phase was marked by high levels of hope but no agency. There was nothing else I could do to bring about my desired outcome. The results were entirely out of my hands. All I could do was – you guessed it – hope for the best. I thought I nailed the audition, but that was my subjective opinion. If you’ve worked in entertainment, you know roles can be cast for any number of reasons.

Shortly after the audition, I accepted an ideal position in a different career. Shortly after that, I was offered a role in the Christmas Spectacular, but the folks with the new position wouldn’t allow me time off to do the show, so I had to decline the offer. But the hope was still in the back of my mind.

Two years later, the ideal job ended abruptly, thanks to layoffs. Through a series of seemingly unrelated coincidences, my actions motivated by hope, landed me the gig! A whole B-Story of life lessons about patience, control, and just letting go ran concurrently with all this business, but I’ll save that for another time.

If I choose to no longer hope for something, it’s never because I didn’t need the hope.

From my debut in the Christmas show to my final performance on the great stage at Radio City Music Hall twelve years later, hope and agency worked in tandem, sometimes simultaneously; other times, one took the lead while the other took a break, and vice versa.

I say with absolute certainty that hope and agency are not sedentary rivals or adversaries but an inseparable and dynamic duo with different skills and functions.

As far as giving up on hope? First, let me be clear here. I never give up on hope. If I choose to no longer hope for something, it’s never because I didn’t need the hope. It’s because I’ve decided I didn’t need the object or outcome I hoped for, or the time isn’t right. In those instances, I fold my hope up and tuck it into my heart for the next time.

The TL;DR in all this is that hope can be a strong expression of faith that things will ultimately work together for good, even though it may not happen when we want. But for hope to be helpful, you have to put it to work. Let it motivate you to act when you can, and let go when you should. And more often than not, you will learn, grow, and mature in the process.

Love one another.

It’s Giving Tuesday–Let’s Do This!

If you know anything about me, you know that I like to think of myself as independent. Ask anyone in my family, and they’ll tell you I was always the kid who wanted to do everything for himself. The realization that I was physically different than all the other kids–and the adults–came hard and fast, along with a desire for others to hold me in the same regard as I did: capable, talented, and just as likable as everyone else. Just noticeably shorter.

As you might have guessed, I’ve been a closet advocate for racial equity and equality for decades, first for my benefit and but now for others. Being “othered” and seeing it done to others is nothing new. But neither is knowing there are people out there to help set things right, to open career doors (like Cindy White, Dale T. Moore, and Valerie Oberle), to encourage and inspire me to keep on keepin’ on (Elsie Gene Adams, Alison Queal Warrell), and who magnanimously helped make my dreams a reality (Kathy Van Tassell, Joseph Gardner, Linda Haberman, and countless more).

Notes on a Friendship

Mrs. Elsie Gene Adams (ninety-six years old) and Clay Rivers (fifty-five years old), White Plains, New York; circa 2016.

The following is a reflection on the sixty-two-year friendship between the late Mrs. Elsie Gene Adams and Mr. Clay Rivers. This memorial was given by Mr. Rivers at Grace Episcopal Church, White Plains, New York, on January 27, 2024, at the request of Mrs. Adams’ daughters.


Joan, Jeanette, Cynthia, and Eris, family members, Father Moronta, Grace Episcopal parishioners, friends, and guests—greetings. It’s an honor to be with you today to reflect on our beloved Elsie Gene Adams.

I so wanted to share neat little packaged anecdotes that would hopefully make you smile and bring you, at the very least, a hint of comfort, but I can’t. I am bereft, unmoored, and floundering on storm-tossed waves of sadness and grief. The loss is unspeakable, as no words give meaning to my sorrow. I am a man come undone.

Mrs. Adams was both a second mother and third grandmother to me. Most importantly, she understood me better than anyone else ever has. She was—hands down—my best friend.

I miss her deeply.

Home Town Takeover: A Little Reno, A Little Inclusion, A Lot of Love

Ben and Erin Napier, hosts of HGTV’s Home Town Takeover.

HGTV’s new “it” couple and hosts of the smash Home Town, Ben and Erin Napier, are back in a new limited series, Home Town Takeover (HGTV, Sundays, 8:00 p.m. ET/PT). This time around, the Napiers are using their home renovation talents to breathe life into the floundering small town of Wetumpka, Alabama, as seen in the Ewan McGregor and Albert Finney film, Big Fish. And if you’re not careful, you may just pick up a thing or two about inclusion and community along the way.

Home renovation shows are nothing new. HGTV has perfected the art of combining likable hosts, adventures in house hunting and home repair, and the requisite “unforeseen” bump in the road to create the enviable HGTV happy endings we’ve come to expect. But Home Town Takeover takes these familiar pieces and turns them into something bigger and more meaningful than the sum of its parts.

This is Why We Do

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

An Open Letter to an Our Human Family Reader

Dear Reader,

Thank you for your thoughtful and gracious letter regarding the efforts of the Our Human Family writers and editorial staff. I’m sure you didn’t know the email address to which you submitted your letter would lead back to me.

Why ‘Love’ Is the Word of 2019

Photo by Karly Santiago on Unsplash

It’s easy to lose sight of the good in the world, but it’s out there, doing it thing - in ways you never expected. You just have to know what to look for and where to find it. The answer’s a lot more accessible and potent than many would have you believe.

The Top 5 Worst Approaches to Managing Life’s Challenges

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
–Albert Einstein

Humans. We’re reactive by nature. Give me a puppy, a sweet potato pie, a lump of gold, or a month-long vacation in France, and I’ll give you a positive reaction every time. A boa constrictor, lima beans, a lump of coal in my Christmas stocking, or a fresh parking ticket will produce a reaction somewhere along the negative end of the emotional spectrum.

The Trouble with Words

Photo by Lui Peng on Unsplash

If you think that not using labels when referring to “other” people is all it takes to make you post-racial, pull up a chair. It’s time we had a little chat.

Racism is a Bad Look for Anyone (Especially If You’re the Star of a Top TV Network Sitcom)

Roseanna Barr by Vera Anderson, Getty Images.

I’ll keep this short.

Roseanne Barr. What hasn’t been said about her? How about this? She’s thoughtful, well-grounded, humble, and socially aware. Or perhaps, she has an unparalleled sense of nuance in areas of race, equality, and social justice. No? What about this then? She’s a pioneer at finding new frontiers that unite all Americans.